the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
