don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
