Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
