In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
