We're facebook friends in real life
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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