So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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