she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
