I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
