Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
