I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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