I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
