I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
