He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
