I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
