i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
i think i just lost a toe
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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