After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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