You're so nebulous sometimes
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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