are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
