just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
