Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
