from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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