as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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