she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
