Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
