alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
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