What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
