i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize