Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
