dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
