u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
