I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
NoShamevember. You game?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
