This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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