If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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