we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
