I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
