I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
