i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
