...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't turn off my feet"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
