And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
