Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
