Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
