so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
