HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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