Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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