So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
