You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
True but thats because hes a fetus.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
