wrigley field is MILF paradise
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize