I feel like I'm in dance class right now
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
