I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
