last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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