ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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