Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
