I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
