she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We're too hungover to prance.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
