Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
