There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
