Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
