we have pet lesbian snakes
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
