tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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