An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
