Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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