Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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