just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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