its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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