there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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