I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
