no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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