I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
