Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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