With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
