What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize